Introduction: Becoming a Friendly & Fair Teacher

First read Stop Being Angry and our Tutorial.
This page provides an overview of what, according to Friendly and Fair Teaching (FFT), can contribute to teaching in a friendly and fair way.
Together, we refer to this as Reflecting on Teaching on this site.

With the five perspectives of Friendly and Fair Teaching, I create a positive learning environment.

Introduction video

For more information check out our other introductory videos here.

Introduction to Friendly and Fair Teaching

In developing your professional practice, you are constantly looking for ways to improve.

In Stop being Angry, you will read how to address your pupils’ behaviour and effort in a new way that improves the classroom atmosphere.
On this page, we discuss education and upbringing, hoping you will find ideas that help you teach in a friendly and fair way.

Would you like to start working with our materials? First read the page Tutorial, where we explain how we present our approach and the way we cover the various topics.
Through this website, we share all information freely and without obligation. If you quote our work, please mention the source. And if you have any questions, feel free to contact us.

On this page, you will read about:

the differences and similarities between upbringing at home and teaching at school, and how preventive action can help you avoid having to address pupils on their behaviour or effort;
how to apply the five perspectives of Friendly and Fair Teaching in your own classroom practice;
the goals FFT aims to achieve through education;
how to remove barriers to change and how to introduce FFT successfully to colleagues.

If you succeed in teaching in a friendly and fair way, you can earn a Friendly Order Diploma, allowing you to be an example to others. With a Team Training, FFT can support your school in implementing the approach across the entire team.

You can gradually integrate the different components of FFT into your own teaching practice.
Friendly and Fair Teaching leads to a peaceful educational style: involved, understanding, accepting, guiding, inviting, and confidence-building.
It is a transparent style of teaching in which you set reasonable boundaries in a fair way.
Children feel valued through this approach (see the blog Authoritative Upbringing).
Under Establishing Educational Goals, you will find Haim Ginott’s reflection on the influence of a teacher.

1. Upbringing – Education

Within Reflecting on Teaching, there are strong similarities between raising children and leading a classroom.
In both contexts, several adults work together. When they coordinate their roles and collaborate effectively, this has a direct positive impact on the child or pupil.
Below, we discuss two responsibilities that play a role in both upbringing and education. A friendly and fair teacher usually fulfils both.

In the family and in education.

Anyone responsible for children faces two key areas of responsibility:

Care, Nurture and Connection.
The focus here is on the child’s physical and emotional wellbeing in the moment and is therefore largely unconditional.
Key words: caring, empathetic, emotionally attuned, connected, friendly, and affirming.
Creating and maintaining structure and provision. What is needed or desirable? What can we put in place to achieve it? What resources are required, how do we establish and sustain them, and what are each person’s roles and tasks?What are the rules, what must be done, what is not allowed, and within what boundaries? Key words: rational, overarching, analytical, structuring, clear, boundary-setting, and consistent.

In two-parent families, both parents share these responsibilities and can divide the tasks.
When there is only one parent, both responsibilities rest on their shoulders. This situation is comparable to that of a teacher: a teacher standing alone before the class also carries both responsibilities.

Parenthood poses a special challenge, in that it begins as pure protection and must gradually change into a complex form of care that allows ever more freedom — without any clear points indicating when and how this transition should begin, or guidance on how to endure it.” Maggie Nelson (2022)

The same process — that raising children gradually means letting go — also applies in education.

In education and in the Family

When you stand alone as a parent or teacher, not every role may come naturally. For instance:

If you adopt only the caring, empathetic and friendly role, and clarity is missing — perhaps out of fear of confrontation — you become too lenient, and children or pupils lack boundaries.
If you adopt only the rational, structuring and boundary-setting role, and care is missing — perhaps out of fear of seeming vulnerable — you become too strict, and the relationship with the pupil or becomes cold.
Pupils then feel disconnected from you and are less inclined to respond to your needs or to those of the class or group.

In both cases, this leads to unrest. In your lessons, pupils will test or cross boundaries at the expense of you and the group.

Behaviour Management Stratiegies are more effective when teachers, school leaders and parents take a consistent approach.

A responsibility specific to teachers and schools

The school’s task is precisely to help the child understand that the family, however essential it is to their development, cannot and must not be their only frame of reference. It is at school that we discover other children live differently; that not all parents react in the same way; that not everyone believes in the same gods; that not everyone’s worries are the same; and that some opinions are not shared by all.” Philippe Meirieu, Letter to a Beginning Teacher

1.1 Preventive – Curative

A friendly and fair teacher works primarily in a preventive way: they prevent disruptions and allow pupils only a small margin in which to disturb the lesson. By doing so, such a teacher rarely needs to impose sanctions.

Figure 11: preventive and corrective

By Reflecting on Teaching and with Behaviour Management Strategies, you create a positive learning environment. FFT distinguishes between preventive (italicised) and curative (in bold). The preventive part is greater than the curative part.

Within Reflecting on Teaching, you ensure that you:

do not cause any unrest yourself:
use friendliness as an effective tool;
replace being overly lenient or overly strict with being friendly and fair;
alternate between Teacher-Centred (informative) and Student-Centred Education (experiential);
motivate pupils and help them stay focused;
use friendly Behaviour Management Strategies: First Steps and the Next Step

1.2 Creating a positive learning environment

A friendly and fair teacher understands the importance of these three core components of effective teaching: structure, freedom, and responsibility.

Structure

Structure develops through gaining experience with the various elements of Friendly and Fair Teaching. At the start of a new course, during a Practice Period, you introduce a friendly and fair way of addressing pupils about their behaviour and effort (see Stop Being Angry).

In addition, you:

alternate whole-class teaching with periods of independent work;
offer opportunities within Student-Centred Education learning to experiment with apps and self-assessment;
involve pupils in evaluating your approach – mutual feedback strengthens cooperation.

Freedom

A clear structure makes it possible to offer freedom. During independent work, you provide compulsory assignments and allow pupils to make their own choices.
This enhances their intrinsic motivation and enables them to:

discover themselves;
make choices and set goals;
work at their own pace.

Responsibility

You lead by example and remain aware of your influence as a teacher.
During independent work, you ask pupils to use their freedom responsibly. If a pupil struggles with this, it is your role to coach them (see also the video on how the brain works).

When any one of these three components receives insufficient attention, the effectiveness of teaching declines:

Without structure, teaching is inefficient.
Without freedom, there is no challenge
Without responsibility, pupils do not learn to act independently.

The more positive your learning environment, the better your relationship with pupils – and the less often you need to apply Behaviour Management Strategies,

In such an environment, every pupil has the opportunity to develop gradually into a social, intrinsically motivated learner who takes responsibility, makes choices, and guides themselves and others.

2. Applying the five perspectives

Friendly and Fair Teaching divides all aspects of education into five perspectives. Together, these form a practical framework for mapping and improving your teaching practice: Establishing a friendly tone, Establishing fairness, Planning Lessons, Observing learning, and Behaviour Management Strategies.

By reflecting on these five perspectives, you examine your own behaviour, your pupils’ behaviour, and the conditions under which they learn best. In doing so, you discover what works well, gradually improve your teaching practice, and create a positive learning environment.

Figure: Five perspectives FFT

In the image, you can see the five perspectives of Friendly and Fair Teaching. The Friendly perspective is placed at the base because a friendly attitude is the foundation upon which everything else rests. All five perspectives fall under Reflecting on Teaching. A friendly and fair teacher pays attention to each of these perspectives.

With a framework visible on the wall, you ask your students to concentrate. The framework refers to the perspectives: ‘Establishing a friendly tone‘ and ‘Establishing fairness‘.

1. Friendly

A friendly attitude forms the basis of effective teaching. Just as anger throws you off balance in martial arts, it also disrupts the classroom. By remaining calm and kind, you prevent conflict and maintain peace.

A friendly teacher builds a cohesive group. You strengthen connections between pupils by deliberately varying pairs and groups during whole-class activities. During independent work, you give pupils the freedom to choose their own partners.

In a nonviolent approach, parents and children look for what they have in common and for reasons to help and support each other. The parents accept that the shortcomings of the children probably stem from their own shortcomings.” Arun Ghandi (2017)

2. Fair

You show that the rules you set apply to everyone and are therefore fair. By displaying the rules visually you provide clarity: the Framework and the Triangle provide both structure and freedom.

3. Lesson Content

A strong lesson alternates between teacher-led and pupil-led activities. You introduce and practise new material during whole-class instruction (informing), then allow pupils to work independently and gain experience (exploring).

Only teacher-led instruction can create too much order, while only pupil-led work can result in too much disorder.

Too much disorder is immediately dangerous. Too much order makes you vulnerable in the long run, because adaptability and creativity decline.” Mark Mieras

During independent work, you guide pupils discreetly and coachingly, so the rest of the class can continue working undisturbed. You also reflect regularly on your teaching, using feedback from colleagues, leaders, and pupils alike.

4. Observation

By being alert to both verbal and non-verbal signals, you can identify early signs of unrest. This allows you to intervene subtly before a situation escalates. Observation helps you act preventively and steer calmly. By observing you also quickly notice what individual students need.

5. Behaviour Management Strategies: First and Next Steps

See the page Stop Being Angry for this perspective. It explains how to respond effectively to behaviour with small gestures and friendly corrections — without anger.

2.1 Body language: a connecting factor

Body language plays an important role across all five perspectives:

Friendly: You use open, positive body language — without looking angry
Fair: You use clear gestures — without appearing harsh.
Lesson Content: When shifting from independent work to whole-class instruction, you use both gestures and a clear voice.
Observation: Careful observation helps you see what’s going well, what pupils need, and when adjustments are needed.
Behaviour Management Strategies: Of all your interventions, body language is the tool you use most often.

See also the overarching section Using Body Language

2.2 Balance in the Five Perspectives

The five perspectives form a chain of five links.
If one link weakens, the strength of your teaching diminishes:

Without friendliness, motivation fades.
Without clarity, direction is lost.
Without variety in lesson content, balance disappears.
Without observation, you miss important signals.
Without guidance, disruptions increase.

Figure 2: Chain FFT

Each link is vital to effective teaching. The colours correspond to a traffic light:
Everything green relates to Reflecting on Teaching (preventive action). Orange and red represent intervention — stopping behaviour that disrupts learning.

You start with non-verbal signals and then move to verbal intervention (orange – First Steps)
or, if needed, a measure (red – Next Step).

When you combine all five perspectives, you create a healthy balance between order and freedom. Step by step, you build a classroom where pupils feel seen, motivated, and responsible — and where you teach with confidence and enjoyment.

For self-reflection, see the Motivational Coach page for guiding questions to help you track and direct your professional growth.

The balance between group identity and individuality is the key to successful social systems.” Christakis (2019)

3. Influence on society

A Close-Knit Community

When not only teachers and their pupils, but the entire school team strive to form a close-knit community — and when pupils look back on their school years as a time in which they were approached by their teachers, peers, and other staff in a friendly and fair manner — a positive, cohesive school culture takes shape.

When a school provides sufficient structure, gives pupils room to take initiative, ensures they are seen by their teachers, and offers effective guidance when necessary, pupils develop into independent citizens who will later make a valuable contribution to society.
In this way, a school actively shapes the society of the future.

Qualification

The better a pupil is qualified, the greater their chance of individual success in society. For that reason, qualification is a central aim of education. Yet this comes with an important caveat: one person’s success should never come at the expense of another’s.

To prevent that, FFT advocates that education — alongside qualification — should also give equal attention to:

Socialisation
Subjectivation

What happens when qualification, socialisation, and subjectivation are firmly rooted within education? See Establishing Educational Goals.

3.1 Bildung und Wissenschaft

Friendly and Fair Teaching offers educators the opportunity to teach with greater kindness, fairness and clarity, thereby advancing the development of their professional practice.

Human Potential

The following quotation discusses Humboldt’s ideas on Bildung and Wissenschaft, as described by Sue Prideaux. These ideas align closely with the notion of realising each individual’s human potential:

The ultimate goal of schooling was ‘a complete education for the human personality[…] the highest and most appropriate development of the individual’s faculties into a complete and coherent whole.’ This complete and coherent whole was a combination of two typically German ideals: ‘Wissenschaft’ and ‘Bildung’. ‘Wissenschaft’ was the idea of studying as a dynamic process constantly renewed and enriched by scientific research and independent thinking, so that each student contributed to the endlessly advancing sum of knowledge. It was the exact opposite of memorizing things.
Knowledge was considered evolutionary in nature, and with it went ‘Bildung’, the evolution of the order seeker himself: a process of spiritual growth through the acquisition of knowledge that Humboldt described as a harmonious interaction between the student’s own personality and nature that culminated in a state of inner freedom and wholeness within a larger context.” Prideaux (2018), Sue

Letting Go of Assumptions

To learn anything, it is necessary to dare to accept that what we think we know – including our most deeply held beliefs – may be wrong, or at least naive: shadows on the walls of Plato’s cave.” Rovelli, Carlo (2014)

Within Friendly and Fair Teaching, knowledge is also seen as something that is constantly evolving:

Through courses and team training, collaboration with schools, and ongoing study of educational literature, FFT continually gains new insights.
These insights help us to let go of old assumptions and embrace new ones.
The pace of this development is reflected in our annually updated course book.

Through Friendly and Fair Teaching, we aim to help teachers and educators continue developing — both professionally and personally.

4. Removing and Overcoming Obstacles

4.1 Change

If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got.
Anyone wishing to create change must adopt a new mindset and break existing habits.

Perseverance and persistence are essential for meaningful change. During any change process, you will encounter obstacles such as attachment to familiar roles or behaviour patterns, or the tendency to adopt a role automatically, even when it no longer fits.

We all know this feeling: we may recognise the value of behaving differently, yet our current behaviour feels like an old coat that fits perfectly.

Change, however rewarding, always brings some discomfort. Letting go, loose ends, mistakes, uncertainty, difficulty accepting new realities, confusion, misunderstanding, resistance, setbacks, and problems with alignment — all are part of the process.
These side effects can make it tempting to avoid change or to slip back into old patterns as soon as things become difficult.
It is precisely at those moments that persistence matters most.

4.2 Teacher Roles

A friendly and fair teacher is aware of the following roles:

Host
Presenter
Didactic Expert
Pedagogue
Coach
Closer

In addition, Friendly and Fair Teaching distinguishes several supplementary roles:

Tour Guide – representing Teacher-centred education (frontal teaching
Breakdown Service – representing Student-centred education (independent work).

During independent work, pupils embark on a figurative “journey”. In this phase, you take on the role of breakdown service — supporting pupils who encounter difficulties along the way.
Read more about how this role includes the functions of Coach, Gardener, Creator of a Pedagogical Context, Midwife, and Detective.

Further roles include:

Lesson Designer – adapting existing lessons and materials by adding your own ideas.
Method Designer
Motivation Coach – a term originally coined by a course participant and further developed by FFT. Using a reflective questionnaire, teachers guide their own professional growth.

These roles of Tour Guide and Breakdown Service originate from an interview with Dick Bruinzeel, who used the metaphor “From Organised Tour to Personal Journey.” This expresses a gradual shift in focus: from a shared, structured journey towards an increasingly individual learning journey for each pupil.
The older the pupil, the more responsibility they can take.

4.3 Learning from Colleagues’ Experience

Friendly and Fair Teaching in the Classroom offers a wide range of behavioural and role-based options that bring meaningful results — but also the challenges of change. How can you manage these effectively?

Learning from colleagues’ experience
You can draw strength and guidance from colleagues who have already worked with the five perspectives of Friendly and Fair Teaching. See:

Testimonials (written)
Testimonials (video)

A common piece of advice is: “Start strict, then gradually loosen the reins.”

See Practice Period for how this principle also applies within Friendly and Fair Teaching.

Acknowledgements and credits

Important new insights within Friendly and Fair Teaching often come from course participants and educational experts. These contributions are listed under Credits at the bottom of each section, indicating who introduced a new aspect or perspective.

4.4 Pupils with Poor Impulse Control

With a friendly and fair approach, you can achieve much more with pupils who struggle with impulse control. These pupils generally want to behave as expected, but often get caught up in their own impulses.

By guiding them gently through gestures and body language, you can avoid repeatedly calling out their name in negative situations.
Your calm, friendly manner helps them feel reassured, builds trust, and supports them in their effort to improve their behaviour.

You can agree on personal gestures with the pupil, such as:

A gesture from you to indicate the pupil is becoming too restless (e.g. pointing to a quiet corner or agreed place to settle down).
A gesture from the pupil to indicate the classroom feels too noisy (so you can, where possible, reduce the level of activity).
A gesture to ask for help (with an agreement that you’ll discuss it as soon as you have time).

If gestures don’t work, you might ask privately:

“Where in this classroom do you think you could concentrate best?”
Arrange that spot, evaluate how it works, and adjust if necessary.

Other options:

Seat the pupil at the back of the room for a better overview, reducing distractions from turning around. Seeing others working calmly can be motivating.
In one primary classroom, a teacher created a small “hut” under her desk for a pupil to retreat to when things became overwhelming.
Occasionally allow the pupil to work outside the classroom, ideally with supervision.
Offer the option to work in the media centre.
Allow short movement breaks when energy levels are high.
At the start of the lesson, ask:
“What goal are you setting for yourself this lesson? Do you think you can reach it?”

At the end, discuss together:

What went well? What made that possible?
What didn’t go well? What was the cause?

Tips for pupils with poor impulse control:

Read the blog about the film Les Choristes.
Give them personal, achievable tasks that match their strengths, so they can experience success.
Occasionally assign them a practical responsibility — such as fetching coffee, distributing materials, or putting up posters.

4.5 Friendly and Fair Teaching Diploma

Implementing new approaches is challenging and requires courage and perseverance.
Both you and your pupils benefit from successful improvements.

Applying for a Diploma
After completing an individual course or team training Friendly and Fair Teaching in the Netherlands , you can request a classroom visit from a coach.
Beforehand, you describe which improvements you have implemented in your teaching.
During the visit, the coach assesses whether these changes are visible in practice.
If so, you are awarded a Friendly and Fair Teaching Diploma.

4.6 Implementing FFT accross the school

With your diploma in hand, you can inspire colleagues to explore Friendly and Fair Teaching themselves. Once that foundation is in place, it’s time to involve the school leadership and parents.

A Friendly and Fair Teaching Team Training is an excellent way to start this process.
(See Implementing Friendly and Fair Teaching accross the school).

The initiative to implement FFT can come from teachers, school leaders, pupils, students, teacher training colleges, parents, or educational support staff.
See also: Higher Education News.

3. FFT’s maxims for teachers

‘Friendly and Fair Teaching’ distinguishes these maxims (useful pointers for all teachers).

Teaching is a game with rules. Everyone is accountable to these rules. That makes them fair.
You have high expectations of your students.
Your end goal is a group of motivated, cooperative students, who are proud of their work.
You observe your students as well as yourself. This is at the basis of all your actions and is what makes your teaching fair. You respond to what is happening now.
You create opportunities for students to self-direct according to their ability.
Student-centred education is more successful if there is a good relationship between you and your students. Therefore, you are always friendly and fair and avoid coming across as angry, strict or domineering.
You alternate teacher-centred education and student-centred education.
No matter how you teach, disruption can always occur. Then it is good to know how to solve it: The first steps of ‘behaviour management strategies, have a preventive effect. The next steps have a curative effect (preventive-curative)

Also have a look at these maxims of Murray Schafer:

1. The first practical step in any educational reform is to take it.
2. In education, failures are more important than successes. There is nothing so dismal as a success story.
3. Teach on the verge of peril.
4. There are no more teachers. There is just a community of learners.
5. Do not design a philosophy of education for others. Design one for yourself. A few others may wish to share it with you.
6. For the 5-year-old, art is life and life is art. For the 6-year-old, life is life and art is art. This first schoolyear is a watershed in the child’s history: a trauma.
7. The old approach: Teacher has information: student has empty head. Teacher’s objective: to push information into student’s empty head. Observations: at outset teacher is a fathead: at conclusion student is a fathead.
8. On the contrary a class should be an hour of a thousand discoveries. For this to happen, the teacher and the student should first discover one another.
9. Why is it that the only people who never matriculate from their own courses are teachers?
10. Always teach provisionally: only God knows for sure.” Schafer (1975), R. Murray

5. Provenance friendly and fair teaching

The knowledge gathered for Friendly and Fair Teaching came from teachers who first shared their expertise with each other and then decided to pass this knowledge on to future generations. Not only teachers’ experiences but also experts’ experiences underlie Friendly and Fair Teaching. For example, Gert Biesta has given us important pointers that can be found throughout the site. Read more about us and about the team behind FFT.

The content of this site is based on personal experience, user experience, available literature, material found on the Internet, and expert opinions. All relevant information is related to one of five perspectives and arranged for teachers in a user-friendly way.

Friendly and Fair Teaching feels closely related to:

5.1 Liemer List

The Liemer List originated from hundreds of conversations with primary school pupils (in the Arnhem region) about how they learn best. In a broader sense, the Seven Promises express mutual trust and shared expectations between pupils, teachers, school leaders and support staff — and give everyone the space to fulfil those expectations.

FFT advises participants in our Courses and Team Training sessions to teach with these intentions in mind:

We see who you are, and you notice we believe in you;
We have grand expectations of each other;
Learning is fun and can happen anywhere;
Your learning environment is engaging, inspiring and challenging;
You always have a choice;
If we can do it together, we do not do it alone;
You know what you need to learn and what you can do with it.

5.2 Peace can be learned

Friendly and Fair Teaching identifies strongly with the booklet Peace Can Be Learned (Reybrouck, 2017).
That is why we give a copy to every course participant in the Netherlands and read selected passages from it during the training.

6. Summary

A friendly and clear teacher:

informs pupils during the very first lesson about the expectations regarding behaviour and effort, using the Framework and the Triangle, and announces their intention to stop getting angry (Stop Being Angry);
reflects on their own teaching practice and implements new elements where needed;
involves colleagues in trying out the Friendly and Fair Teaching approach;
notices, over time, that pupils become accustomed to the new approach and that cooperation between teacher and pupils improves.

What to expect

Be aware that you may sometimes have a group that, because of its composition, is not easily responsive.
By patiently guiding and redirecting pupils, it is possible to work effectively even with such a group.
Occasionally, you may be fortunate to have a highly cooperative group — in that case, Guiding and Redirecting will hardly be necessary.

7. Credits

Nick Sorensen, Emeritus Professor of Education Bath Spa University	The name of this site ‘Friendly and Fair Teaching’ was conceived by Sorensen. Before the translation of the content in English, Sorensen helped translating the terms we use in our overview.
Gert Biesta	We owe special thanks to Professor Gert Biesta, educational theorist and pedagogue, for the current design of our Friendly and Fair Teaching course. He encouraged us to focus on creating order rather than merely keeping order. Gert Biesta asked: “Who is actually responsible for order in the classroom? And isn’t it more about creating and giving order than about keeping it?”. He also pointed out that in an earlier stage we had placed too much emphasis on Student-Centred teaching. Following his advice, VOH sought a better balance between Teacher-Centred and Student-Centred approaches. (Read more)
Rense Houwing	At an earlier stage, Rense edited the entire FFT website. He pointed out that paying attention to body language and verbal language lies outside the action-oriented perspectives. We now refer to both forms of awareness collectively as ‘Observing’. He also distinguished between First Steps (which does not cost the pupil time) Next Steps (which does).
Jan Wolters – Teacher trainer at the conservatory of music.	Jan emphasised that it is the teacher’s responsibility to address pupils about their behaviour and effort — it is part of the profession. He also advised us to replace the term Assessment with Student-Centred Eduction. Finally, he noted: “If it comes to keeping order, you’re already too late.” This insight supports the idea of designing education in such a way that order arises naturally and maintaining order is hardly needed.