1.4 Building Relationships
On this page
- Getting to know one another
1.1 Personal stories – Johari window
1.2 Paying attention to identity and background
1.3 Asking about prior knowledge and interests - Working together
2.1 Working together during whole-class teaching and independent work
2.2 Pupils tutoring one another
2.3 Together – Self-directed
2.4 Whole-school collaboration
2.5 Feedback - Group formation
3.1 Prejudice
3.2 Cooperation within a group
3.3 Taking turns in leaderschip
3.4 Social capital - The teacher’s role
- Examples
- Summary
Teachers and pupils, as well as pupils among themselves, get to know one another through different teaching formats and strengthen their bond as a result.
Getting to know one another forms the foundation of my lessons.
Relationship before performance: connection first, learning second.
Introduction video
For more information check out our other introductory videos here.
Current approach
How do I pay attention to building relationships?
Future approach:
How do I pay attention to building relationships in the future?
Introduction
‘Building relations’ is one of the four modules within the ‘Friendly’ approach of Friendly and Fair Teaching (FFT).
Figure 7: Establishing a friendly tone (Overview)
A pupil only feels at home in a group when there is space to get to know classmates and the teacher (individual). Only when a pupil feels at home does successful cooperation become possible (interaction). You decide how to organise your lessons and how the group functions (system). Your role is to guide this process (leadership).
This module helps you strengthen the bond with your pupils and between pupils themselves. This leads to trust, better cooperation and a close-knit group.
1. Getting to know one another
1.1 Personal Stories – Johari Window
The Johari Window is a tool for getting to know one another.
Figure 26: Johari window
By sharing personal stories, trust develops and pupils feel safer showing vulnerability. This increases mutual understanding and connection.
1.2 Paying attention to identity and background
Pay attention to your pupils’ background. In your lessons, you can make space for different cultures and invite pupils to share personal experiences. Take their background and identity seriously. Include role models from different cultures in your teaching. Knowledge of one’s own culture is an important condition for identity development. Mutual understanding and strong relationships grow when people learn about one another’s backgrounds.
1.3 Asking about prior knowledge and interests
- Build your lessons on pupils’ prior knowledge. Ask what they already know and what experiences they have. This strengthens ownership and helps reveal talent.
- At the end of a topic, ask: What did you miss in this topic? What would you actually have liked to learn? Use pupils’ suggestions to improve your teaching. This helps you avoid repeating gaps or weaknesses in your lesson content.
2. Working together
If the ‘Framework’ – Friendly + Fair – has been discussed with the class, and you address behaviour that does not fit the framework, pupils are better able to work together.
2.1 Working together during whole class teaching and independent work
Working together during whole class teaching
By deciding the group composition yourself, you prevent fixed friendship groups. Pupils work with different classmates and build a broader network.
Working together during independent work
During independent work, pupils decide for themselves whom they work with. This can lead to lasting cooperation based on trust and responsibility. The freedom to choose a partner contributes to independence and initiative. When pupils make responsible choices, they gradually develop different forms of expertise.
Ask a pupil who is falling behind whom they would like help from (among pupils who are further ahead). This too is a moment of getting to know one another.
2.2 Pupils tutoring one another
Pupils who help one another deepen their own understanding and develop insight into different learning styles.
Figure 44: Intentions + Confidence
If you are looking for a quicker learner to help a pupil who is struggling, choose someone whom you believe has good intentions and sufficient self-confidence.
The ‘Framework’ (Friendly + Fair) asks everyone to show good intentions. By addressing behaviour and commitment, everyone can concentrate and talents can flourish. Without a framework, talents can also show themselves negatively: survival of the fittest, power struggles, and dominance.
Whether pupils are able to work together depends on:
a clear framework;
addressing behaviour and effort (Behaviour Management Strategies);
the confidence to ask for help.
2.3 Together – Self-directed
The figure below shows the different ways in which pupils can take ownership of their own learning.
In this figure:
the horizontal axis shows teacher-directed or self-directed learning;
the vertical axis shows working together or working separately.
Figure 33: Meaningful Education
In each of the combinations below, it is important that everyone follows the ‘Framework’. If not, you address behaviour and commitment.
Together + Self-directed
Pupils determine part of the learning process themselves. By working together, they strengthen and broaden their own expertise.
Separate + Self-directed
A pupil:
- prefers working alone;
- chooses an unusual topic;
- works on a task intended to be done individually.
Together + Teacher-directed
Use this for exercises that follow whole-class explanation. In these exercises, you decide the group composition so that each pupil gradually gets to know more classmates.
Separate + Teacher-directed
Here, the pupil carries out a task set by you. This may include tests or exams where everyone works in silence. If pupils work this way too often, those who are struggling have fewer opportunities to catch up.
2.4 Whole-school collaboration
By starting projects together with colleagues, you show how valuable cooperation is. This may include organising performances, charity events, presentations for parents, open days, or involving older pupils in residential trips. These activities promote intrinsic motivation and are highly suitable for encouraging cooperation and different roles. Project-based learning connects pupils and gives them the opportunity to present themselves to others.
Philippe Meirieu states that project-based learning is a suitable way for pupils to explore their freedom.
2.5 Feedback
- Give pupils access to an app through which they can practise subject content together and test themselves, for example Quizlet.
- Encourage pupils to look for experts who can help them further.
- After working together, ask pupils to reflect: What was my role in the group? How can I contribute even better next time?
3. Group formation
Images by Els ter Horst
By regularly changing groups, everyone gets to know one another, prejudice decreases, and a classroom network develops.
By influencing group composition, pupils gain the following experiences:
ME
Sometimes I lead. I present something or lead an activity. At other times, I follow.
THEY
We work in changing groups and get to know everyone. This helps prevent fixed friendship groups.
WE
As a group, we form a network. Everyone takes responsibility.
3.1 Prejudice
A strong bond within a group can go hand in hand with negative feelings towards those outside it. As a teacher, you can reduce or even prevent this. In Blueprint, Nicholas A. Christakis shows that people quickly form in-groups and out-groups. By mixing groups and creating opportunities for positive contact, you can reduce prejudice.
3.2 Cooperation within a group
One reason for cooperation can be the presence of a common challenge. A similar mechanism occurs when a group pursues a shared goal.
Example
Physics teacher Stephan Dinkgreve used group cooperation positively at Pieter Nieuwland College. He asked pupils about the national average grade for Physics. They knew it was 6.3. Then he asked if they knew the school’s average. They did not: it was 6.7. He then said: What do you think about aiming for a 7.0 in your exam? The pupils agreed and achieved that result.
3.3 Taking turns in leaderschip
When teaching, it may seem obvious that you take the lead. However, leadership is also a skill pupils can learn. A good moment for this is after whole-class instruction. Give a short task in which pupils work in small groups and take turns leading and following.
During independent work, pupils may choose whether to work together. In more complex tasks, they can divide roles and responsibilities within their team. In such cases, it is important that they report back to you during the process.
See the video showing a pupil taking the lead.
3.4 Social capital
A group that works well together has social capital: trust, support and connectedness.
4. The teacher’s role
First discuss a framework with your pupils (Friendly + Fair). If necessary, reïnforce positive behaviour with pupils who do not follow it (Behaviour Management Strategies). By giving pupils opportunities to get to know one another, you help them work together more effectively.
Ask pupils to evaluate your teaching and lesson materials. Use their feedback to improve your lessons. Read more under ‘Assessment‘.
5. Examples
Examples building relations primary education
In primary education, a good relationship is especially important. When the relationship between teacher and pupils is strong, much more can be achieved.
- Let a pupil prepare and lead an activity.
- When introducing a new topic, let pupils guess the theme by asking yes/no questions.
- Use speed-dating / inside-outside circle activities.
- Let pupils walk around the classroom and form pairs to discuss a task.
- Give pupils question-mark cards so they can ask classmates for help.
- On Monday mornings, use random pairs to talk about the weekend. This breaks fixed patterns and strengthens the classroom network.
Examples building relations Secondary Education
A mentor lesson example: pupils describe five different sides of themselves in groups of three or four.
- little finger – What are you small or insecure in?
- ring finger – What are you loyal to?
- middle finger – What do you dislike?
- index finger – Where do you want to go?
- thumb – What are you good at?
This works especially well because it gives both confident and less confident pupils space to show different sides of themselves.
A music lesson at Pieter Nieuwland College shows how enjoyable it is to work with a cooperative group.
Examples of getting to know one another
- 0:17 – Greeting everyone at the start of the lesson and having a short conversation where possible.
- 4:47 – At the end of the lesson, the teacher shakes everyone’s hand and thanks pupils for their effort.
Kohlberg’s most influential finding was that children with the highest level of moral reasoning were those who had regularly been given opportunities for role reversal: to put themselves in someone else’s position and view a problem from another person’s perspective.” Haidt, (2012) Jonathan
More examples of ‘Building relationships’.
6. Summary
Getting to know one another (individual)
In every lesson, give pupils the opportunity to get to know:
- one another;
- you;
- the subject content;
- and, through the subject, the wider world.
Pupils:
- share personal stories;
- talk about background and identity;
- use prior knowledge.
- Working together
Working together (interaction)
Getting to know one another creates connection and improves cooperation. Working together is an important part of a positive learning environment. Pupils:
- take responsibility;
- develop skills;
- take turns leading and following.
Group formation (system)
By working together, pupils align their activities socially and academically, which improves learning outcomes. You may now have the tools to turn your class into a social, ambitious and talented group (leaderschip).
